Today's my birthday. It's also the anniversary of me losing my Mom. Since she was 1/2 of my qualifier team but was sober 10 years before she died. It's been 11 years and it doesn't bother me nearly as much as it used to (I'm not crying non-stop anymore), I still feel a twinge of sadness and regret that I didn't have more time with her, especially during my season of recovery.
I can recover from the effects of alcoholism along with the regret I feel every now and then over having to do it without my parents.
I had plans for today and they did not include me sitting in my house, alone. Perhaps old habits die hard. I have a choice of places to be, but those old feelings of rejection come up on today. I don't want to "should" on myself but maybe I should have gone to at least one of those events if for no other reason, then to be with other people. Maybe it's the attention I'm afraid of, I don't know.
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