8. We become addicted to excitement. I'm not too sure I'm addicted to excitement as that when excitement does happen, I get so overwhelmed by it, that I get caught up in what's happening and cannot control what's going on and that leads to a lot of anxiety.
9. We confuse love with pity and tend to "love" people who we can `pity" and "rescue". I can say I was like this but that would be a bit of a fib. I can still confuse love and pity but now I recognize when I'm headed in that direction and refrain from becoming codependent.
10. We have stuffed our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (denial). I had no feelings. At least I didn't think I had any feelings. I remember, about 25 years ago, someone saying that I had no personality. I know now that my expression-less living was what she meant (I forgive her ignorance.) Now, I try to hone in on what I'm feeling at every moment. I also realize that I can have different feelings at different times and that's okay.
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem. Yes, yes, yes! Even now, I can judge myself especially during my time of unemployment. What I'm learning is that God has the finally say and perhaps my current status is His will for me at this time.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us. I'm not like this anymore. After being single for such a long time, I've come to realize that I can be this way and not fall apart. When I am in another relationship, I no longer have to fear being abandoned because I know I can be on my own and survive.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease and we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of the disease even though we did not pick up the drink. I believe this is so for me. The further I go in my recovery, the more I recognize these dysfunctional behaviors within myself. This enables me to come out of denial and face my faults and work to correct them.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors. I can react to situations but am learning to pause to prepare myself, my thoughts, and my mouth so the situation does not get out of hand before I know what happened.
The Laundry List – 14 Traits of an Adult Child of an Alcoholic
It looks like you're working the steps. I feel like I am just starting since I just found a sponsor. I've been back in Al-Anon for about a year. When my children were small, I attended ACOA meetings. They helped a lot in those days. I feel I'm taking care of another level now. It takes time to undo the damage done in alcoholic family systems. It's good we have this program. God Bless - Dita
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